I got to thinking after reading some of that book, I realized you took a part of me and I want it back. You took some of my soul, I mean you gave me my heart back when you stopped loving me but you still have that one piece of me that I need back. Maybe that’s why I still think about you. Because you will forever be apart of me. Let me have that piece back and then just then maybe I can get you out of my head completely. I need summer I need to stop hearing people bring you up. It’s sad when I flirt with a boy and someone says there going to “tell drew” haha and my response is do it he doesn’t care. I hate getting asked why you just up an left. Cause I’m just as clueless as they are. Sure I’ll bring you up but I’m talking about the old you and memories not about the new you I don’t know that person and don’t really want to know him, the person i fell in love with died, thats why its so easy to let go. Your just somebody I used to know. It sucks that I actually fell for another guy but because of how many times I hurt him for you I don’t even have a chance and its my fault. I just need to stop hearing your name. Then I’ll slowly forget the memories just like you promised I would, just like you forgot about me. I don’t blame you everything was screwed up and I can honestly say I’m happy you moved on and I’m happy your happy. Now it’s my time to be happy and have a carefree summer.
I guess I didn’t know how much drama boys were. Everyone always made it seem like drew was drama that no other guy was, that it was just him. Hmm they were wrong. I guess i had high hopes and thought maybe they were right, that no other guy was drama. But they are. They all are an it sucks. I had a heart to heart with my mom and just talked about how this girl has been in every relationship I’v ever tried to have with a boy, what did she say “MaryCate it’s probably because your so exciting” haha nope I’d rather it be me and the guy in a relationship not me the guy and this girl. Thanks but no thanks, today was also bad because you talked about me right in front of one of my very best friends an she hates you too so you it was obvious she would tell me.. Your clueless.
Do you remember the girl you called your best friend for 10 years? Do you remember telling her you’d always be here that nothing and no one would change that? Do you remember playing the most imaginative games when you were little with her? Do you remember how her family was yours? Do you remember anything about her? Do you remember the color of her room? Do you remember how she was always there for you? Do you remember this girl? Cause she’s here waiting for you to remember.
I kissed you and fell in love with you. And it sucks because I lost my chance with you. Kissing you last night made the world stop, it honestly made me want it to never end. It didn’t make me think about how many people would disapprove. I wanted it to last and when it ended I wanted to kiss you again just to see if that feeling was still there…. It was. It never went away. But it sucks because you don’t feel the same way, so now I have to let go, Completely. I don’t want to and it’s going to be crazy hard but I will. I didn’t want last night to end but it did and I can’t relive it or anything like that. It was worth it, I realized how much feelings I have for you.. And I didn’t know I was in this deep, but I am. And it sucks. I wish I had realized this when you wanted to be with me. Now i have to even see if i can be “just friends” with a person that makes my world stop spinning, who shares his sonic with me……But hey sucks to suck right?
The worst feeling probably is admitting the past to the one person you wish you could hide it from. The one person you wish you could change it for, I wish you could just be in my future and not be apart of my messed up broken past. But I can’t change the past and it’s time to come to terms with it, I can’t undo what I did and no amount of talking or thinking about it will change that fact.
My parents don’t notice, they don’t notice when I’m sad, they dont notice when my day was bad. They don’t notice when I’m lying. I’m a horrible lier. My parents want a foreign exchange student? Like really I’m still here hi! I’m your daughter that still needs you and wants your attention. I only get noticed If I’m in trouble that’s not okay. When I go to Emily’s house her dad notices when she’s had a bad day and tries to make it better. My parents don’t notice or go out of there way to do something special to try and cheer me up. I thought it was just like this because of drew but even cutting him out of my life completely has not changed this relationship with my parents. I almost wish he was in it so I could do something bad and they would notice me. I even tried to talk to them about my dad being sick and they acted like I said nothing. I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of everything. Nothing’s ever going to change. They say they miss having more kids around they have me.. But I guess I’m not enough I never will be . So why even be here.
